Where were you when the year 2017 and everyone was yelling Happy New Year? Me, I was in a chair with my computer on my lap half asleep. When Sheryl got up to kiss me (our tradition) the ball had dropped and the fake singing had already occurred. For the first time in years I missed the ball drop, I missed the first local commercial after the New Year and I missed being the one to kiss Sheryl as opposed to her coming to kiss me. In short, I came into this New Year already behind.
I know you are asking; the first local commercial of the year? What is this all about? For years, I have watched for the first local commercial as a gauge to what my year would be like. More or less here is my guide. There is no science involved in any of this. But my observations have proved uncannily inaccurate in the past. That is what makes them so darn fun.
Local Car Dealer– Over the years this has been the more popular of the first local commercials. When you see this, you can expect a big purchase year. Things like more test strips, more biologic medications, more hospital bills. The stuff that makes everything in a New Year more fun and frustrating.
Local mattress company- do not be afraid about this one. It does not mean more broken love connections, in fact it means less. I believe that when I see this advertisement I may need to locate a new blanket. Long hours huddled inside my house avoiding the cold and retreating from the relentless heat of summer seems to be on tap. Of course this will drive up blood sugar and mess with my joints to the point I likely will not want to go out. In the 25 years I have been watching for the first commercial this is the second most popular first commercial.
Local news or weather broadcast – these are gaining in popularity in recent years. I hate them myself. I find that they are routinely uninteresting. Of course what they predict is anything but uninteresting. Because this almost always heralds the start of incorrect medical news. See a local news advertisement first, get ready for missed product launches, inaccurate academic studies and frighteningly wrong predictions about cures. No doubt the first commercial of 1957 was about local news announcing the first of the annual news about the five year cure.
Vacation destination (local only) – I love these commercials and the most fun I can recall is for a place called Indiana beach. Let me stress here Indiana has no sea so to say this is a beach is like suggesting that your neighbors’ pool is one of the Great Lakes. Incidentally we do border on Lake Michigan but this place was nowhere near Lake Michigan. When this or a similar commercial comes on first, it is a sure sign of unrealized expectations. Yes it is a sure sign that someone will announce needles that do not hurt or Methotrexate that will not make you tired. These are excellent ideas, but well, the needles will still hurt and the Methotrexate will still produce a hangover.
Local restaurant – Oh my goodness, hold on to your hat you need a diet. Yes this will not be a good year to visit your cardiologist. Get set to gain almost no matter how much you try to lose. Yes it will be good until, well until you get to the doctor and she will start telling you to lose weight immediately. Unfortunately, putting it on is much easier than taking it off and it takes 14.27 times the amount of time it took to put it on.
Pawn shop – insurance premium and co pay increases are on the horizon. The great thing about the pawn shop advertisement is that it provides us a method to handle the calamity that will no doubt befall us.
How about good predictions?
Well I do know one good local commercial that I always hope for each year. That is the local clothing store. Now I will admit this is a rare bird. But if you are fortunate enough to see one, it foretells an outward appearance of happiness. Well in the words of Billy Crystal channeling Fernando Lamas “it’s better to look good than feel good”. Hey a man needs something to hang on too.
Take away for January 8, 2017
- Local commercials can be fun to watch
- The first commercial year is meaningless
- I love playing the game